It’s Time for Deep Thoughts… on Winter
As a chill came into the air, the girls looked at the calendar -- and the thermometer -- and realized it’s November. And it’s time to address the change of seasons.
Although truthfully, Melissa said it’s not winter until the solstice in December. To which Kelly promptly replied, “Screw that. It’s winter.”
So, there’s that. And despite an overall dislike for all things cold, the girls embraced the topic and got to business. Now that winter is officially/not officially here, what do we all need to be doing?
Throw out the razors. What’s the first thing these empowered women of 2018 said? No Shave November is not just for men! Amen, sisters! We can – and should – stop shaving! Was this a rally cry of pink pussyhats? Was this an incredible way to celebrate winter? Or were the girls just getting lazy? I wasn’t sure.
Because they quickly moved on to assessing everyone’s understanding of this important month to raise awareness of men’s health.
It’s called No Shave November, right? Or is it MOVEMBER?
But why is it called that?, asked Amber.
Because “Mustache” and “No” make MOVEMBER!, exclaimed Melissa.
I’m not sure I followed, but Melissa seemed proud, and Amber seemed convinced. I was just glad these ladies validated my desire to stop shaving.
Cover the winter blubber. Next the girls lamented on how now that it’s winter, we can give up the dream of our summer bikini bodies. Screw it, they said! November is here and it’s the perfect time to hide any undesired blubber. Like with this black plaid scarf. It’s adorable, and it will dress up any outfit. It will also highlight your beautiful face, and not your ample ass.
Another look they love: The Oversize Plaid Blanket Scarf. If you’ve moved straight from beer to Halloween candy, your ears may perk up on this one. But, ahem ladies, we said oversize, not supersize! We’re referring to this 57- by 57-inch fabric of love. Nestle yourself in this warm layer, and you won’t come out till May. And if you gain weight through the holidays, no one will know! (Confused on WTF is a blanket scarf? Answers here.)
Rake your leaves. With a couple snowfalls under our belts, the girls had one last suggestion for how to prepare for winter. Rake the damn leaves. Especially if the leaves from your tree are blowing into your neighbor’s yard. And by the way, Kelly adds, pick up the dog poo before it snows again.
I sensed the conversation was getting heated, what with all the leaves and crap, so we steered back to fashion. And I gathered the true meaning of what the girls really wanted to say about raking, which is “You need this hat.” Now, that’s cute!
So, it may not be the winter solstice. But winter is still here, and so are the words of winter wisdom you’ve read here. Settle in, work on your wooly legs, and cover up everything you can’t stand to see. We’ll have your back. Even if it’s hairy.