Lazy Moms? Is there such a thing?
The first Friday in September is Lazy Moms Day. Is this like National Unicorn Day?
Last we checked, there were no lazy moms. Who thought of this title? A man? We’ve tried to find some lazy moms to gear up for this day, but the moms we found were running off to work, backed up in the Kiss & Go lane, or figuring out how to add partial sums. So, we had to dig deeper.
About Lazy Moms Day
Alas, it turns out, Lazy Moms Day is not a celebration of Lazy Moms. It’s a celebration of moms and a national decree bearing them the right to be lazy. For one whole day. True, this is better. But, we have our doubts. Let’s break this down.
First: We say laziness is lady’s choice.
We moms have literally created a whole human being inside ourselves. We wrecked our bodies, and then pushed it out only to have it backtalk us for the rest of our lives.
While we may not be sane, we are committed. And we are the rock stars of humanity. Based on this, we’ll tell you when we need a day to be lazy. It will be on our terms. And it won’t be once a year.
Second: Why do we need a national decree?
Here’s a national decree: “We’re tired.” It takes a lot of effort to Lean In. To keep track of our “Me too” moments. To manage work and childcare and to make 80 cents on the dollar. Now we have to track goofy holidays? We appreciate the nod, but really? Sniff, sniff… I smell a man close by.
Third: If we even wanted to be lazy, we’d have to work for it.
Getting to be lazy can’t just happen for we moms. It’s not as easy as making a tee time and going. For moms, it’s different. For example, this is what we must do just to leave town for a day (without being followed):
- Ensure kids’ transportation is not a cover for an international sex trafficking ring
- Pack nutritious and convenient lunches in advance (so they can be forgotten and kids can “starve” and blame you)
- Shop for and prepare ready-to-heat meals (so they can be forgotten and whole family can go to McDonalds)
- Make list of emergency contacts in case of sex trafficking
- Coordinate pet care because family will forget
- Hire help because family will forget
- Sign permission slips so they can be forgotten
- Anticipate last-minute laundry needs because of what family has forgotten
- Create to-do list so family doesn’t forget
- Alert neighbors about your absence (and potential sex trafficking threat)
Whew. It might be easier just to not relax. Even if it were National Relaxation Day, which, by the way, has passed.
So really: Is Lazy Moms Day really going to work?
They say we moms are supposed to celebrate the day by taking a holiday from laundry, dishes, bathroom cleaning, and car pools. It does sound grand, doesn’t it. But in reality, we think taking a break from any of these tasks will mean just doing more the next day. I don’t know about you, but I’m sensing more clothes piled up, more dishes in the sink, and even more piss around the rim. And honestly, I bet they’ll throw in one more kid to pick up. Maybe someone we don’t even know. See, trafficking.
Knowing this, it’s probably best for all of us if we celebrate as briskly as possible in a way that’s least likely to loosen our work saddle break up the routine. We say: Shop.
Come in and visit us or shop online for some amazing looks you deserve. Don’t wait for someone to go out and get you something. Just do it yourself. You’re a mom. And if anyone asks you whether you’re going to be lazy, we have the perfect shirt to wear in response.
Cheers to you, you lazy mom. We salute you!